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Jesus freaks and ego-maniacs: why bad programs are no good for CTV . . .

First off, it makes us look shitty. My cousin was in from out of town, and we were watching CTV on and off. Every time we came back to the frigging channel, there was another fuckin' religious show on! "Is that all they put on this channel?" asked my cuz. "What are STATEN ISLANDERS ..a bunch of Jesus freaks?"

What could I say? The programming is indefensible.

Secondly, when somebody tunes in and sees a boring, poorly produced show, guess what? They switch stations! If this Happens often enough ( and boy does it ever!), in the back of the viewers mind they're telling themselves:"there's only shit on this channel"- sad part of the story(for the most part...)-it's true.

One of the reasons appears to be the incredibly over-inflated egos of a number of local access producers. Their "show" consists of nothing more than an uninspired host/producer sitting in front of a bad plant and a window which goes nowhere.The fact that only 12 people are interested in this mundane subject matter is of no consequence. It also does not matter that the host has zero talent, no camera presence, and is totally devoid of any cleverness whatsoever. These megalomanics insist on creating programs that feature one thing exclusively... themselves! A means, perhaps with which to validate their own dismal self-worth. Some even demand frequent close-ups in order to feed their massive conceit. What really kills me though: access producers, like the rest of us, have been raised watching quality TV. We know what it looks like. 10, 20, some cases, even 30 years of viewing have had no impact on their feeble brains. Their brain-calcifying programs are proof. Just because you can produce, does not always mean you should.

In a discussion with the executive director of CTV, he stated to me: "Well, nobody's stopping other people from coming down and producing a show". Unfortunately, only fringe religion practioners, self-righteous politicians, and of course,giant-headed egotists are "driven" enough to get off their asses to produce programming.

" F I L M I N G "
"I'm filming this week" . . . or-"I got it on film"
Nothing irks me more than hearing those phrases
Okay, here it is, plain and simple . . .
Videotape is not film. Film runs through a movie camera or projector. If what you're shooting on doesn't, then your work isn't!!! Perhaps you are "shooting," or "taping," but you are not "filming!"
Now I will concede that some movies today have been shot on video, then transferred to film (key word there) in order to be projected at screenings and festivals. In those specific cases, yes, you are making a film. But, remember, unless and until it's transferred to film, you haven't made one! Thank you.

Every time I fill out a "cablecast" form, I always write "community" in the category section. I feel that industrial TELEVISION is truly the only program that is for the community at large. Let me explain...most of the other locally produced programs appeal to a very limited segment of the population. The producer's friends , family, and perhaps two dozen stray viewers are watching. Who else could tolerate the mind-numbing content? industrial TELEVISION, on the other hand, attracts a wide variety of viewers from all walks of life. Eight to eighty, everybody likes our content.

You Know, as Much as I Hate the Religious Programming And Local Politics on Ctv, I Kinda Realize They Do Have a Message (No Matter How Boring) to Get Across, or a Cause For Which They Are Crusading. Perhaps They Have a "Right" to Be on TV. It's the Shit That Passes for "Entertainment" on the Channel That Really Gets My Panties in a Bunch. Here's Some Prime Offenders:

Shmuck continues to confound and amaze even the most jaded of viewers. His interviewing talents have to be seen to be believed. Absolutely no camera presence, he has his fuckin' eyes closed most of the time and comes across like some asshole we used to beat up on in grammar school. His inane, moronic delivery is

"off the wall":
jesus, what the fuck is this limey fudge-packin' pantywaist still doing on? This is one of many shows on ctv that is 3-5 years old and still running perpetually, it appears. Either this dude's half naked and dancing around like a come-drunk bar boy from manhattan, or he's dressed in drag and pretending (badly, mind you) to be some sort of psychic
Candy sanders: christ, this broad won't shut up! I don't know what's worse...the way her corpulent figure shrivels up my peeshee, or her shrill voice hammering my eardrums relentlessly into a bloody pulp. It's not that she's a bad singer, it's just that she's constantly pushing her mediocre talents in our faces which makes them seem worse than they are.
Exceeded only by the pointless, unimaginative and laborious content of his productions. Maybe he believes that habitually churning out this tripe will win him friends, as well as gain their respect and admiration? Yeah, right. The groans, snickers and upward rolling eyes of his control room crew on a recent shoot tell the real story.

"mike steel":
for brain dead shut-ins only. What is this guy's tired shtick all about anyway? I don't care how many edits he puts in one of his programs. They suck. Bad attempts at humor; insipid, forced dialog; shoddy production values; ...the list goes on and on. He singlehandedly manages to redefine the terms: trite, tedious, wearisome, and hackneyed. The worst part of this puzzle is that some actually think he is "funny!" (which reminds me of the first line...) By the way, what's up with those fuckin' crows? Every goddamned show he's gotta put either crow footage, (from about 1991) or crows on the soundtrack, or he "dresses" up like a crow!! What an asshole! Give it up 'fer chrissake!!

"improv at the film center":
jeez, the only film this group will ever see is on their bathtubs. Every frigging show has some just-over-the-bridge coo-gene coming up with lame, improvised excuses for why he's late with the "vig." After watching a few episodes, i've decided that "improv" should seriously consider scripted material and stop watching a bronx tale or donny brasco.

I recently asked a ctv employee how someone like Amy Greenfield can show full frontal nudity at 10:50 P.M. while industrial TELEVISION is "banished" to the nether regions of 1:00 A.M.. (The reason we're on so late is that CTV moved us from 12:00 due to complaints from parents about the explicit content of our programs) I was told that she does "art" while we do "exploitation." Can you believe this shit? For any of you out there that think industrial TELEVISION is not "art," I suggest you just look at our opening montage. "Montage" as defined by SERGEI EISENSTEIN: (the father of modern film theory taught at every film school...) "the rhetorical arrangement of shots in juxtaposition so that the clash between the two adjoining images suggests a third, independent entity and creates a whole new meaning." He further states that "Montage is a means of eliciting emotional responses from the audience." Now I can't think of a better example of the above than our opening. So fuck all 'o youse!!!

CTV Rants-Special Edition


TELEVISION fucked again!

Viewer choice award canceled!

For the first time since '94 the CTV viewer choice award is totally legit. Unfortunately, making it legitimate entailed doing away with the award. I say better no friggin' award than a bogus one based on the bullshit pulled by Dr. Dolan for the last three years.

An obsessed ego-maniac

This vain, conceited pathetic asshole managed to fix the CTV viewer choice award by stuffing the ballots every year since '94. Then he has the gall to publicize his "prize" at the end of all his programs. "The most popular show on Staten Island!" This shit-head idealist not only makes a mockery of the staff , board and awards; he's caught in his own warped self-delusion. Examples: He demands frequent close-ups of himself on all his "productions". When he runs out of filler, he simply puts his bloated mug on the screen for the remainder of the "show". Let's not even go into those holiday music ordeals he puts out. Any credibility or dignity his chosen profession may have brought him is quickly nullified by these displays of vanity and smugness. His duplicitous ghost producer, Tim Prudome, (whom Dolan pays…) uses made-up names on the end credits of every program. What does that tell you? You didn't think that Dolan actually produces this shit, did you? He puts on a "program" consisting of Dolan being "interviewed" by himself! Naturally, this amounts to nothing more than an info-mercial for his practice. He even gives out his office number during the show. Just how this fits into the concept of "not-for-profit" public access, is beyond me. Under the guise of "community programming" Dolan continues to swell his coffers with new patients garnered from his monopolization of CTV air time.

A Voting Nightmare

In order to combat Dolan's cheating tactics, CTV decided to gather votes from a table set up at the SI mall last February. During the day, members of the CTV staff attended the table. Acting director Ms. Furno authorized a board member to man the table for a few hours in the evening (which happens to be the busiest time). Guess who was appointed to the table? That's right, none other than board member Dr. Dolan himself! Even stevie wonder could see a slight impropriety here. What were they thinking? This is the very same person that prompted this revamped voting process in the first place! This is tantamount to putting Dracula in charge of the blood bank! To compound insult with injury, Dolan sends his ghost producer, Tim Prudome to man the table on the next night!

Caught with his hand in the cookie jar

On the last night of the voting procedures, our friend "Terrible Tim" chose to go to the mall and vote for i.T. He ending up helping out and trying to drum up support-not only for i.T., but for CTV as well. The terrible one runs into a girl he knows; tells her to vote; she tells him that she already did; points to Tim Prudome (Dolan's "ghost") and says: "I voted for whom HE told me to!" Justifiably so, Terrible Tim confronts Dolan's lackey and a shouting match ensues. (As guilty parties usually do…) This soon escalates to curses and threats. It was not a pretty picture.

Retribution…of sorts

When I heard of this nonsense, I met with Lance Armstrong (NOVA award coordinator) He suggested I write a letter and send copies to the powers-that-be. (Look for a copy elsewhere in this article) They held a special meeting after receipt of my letter. Dolan became very indignant and hurled epithets and lawsuit threats. (Another sign typical of guilt) They decided to do away with the award this year. Of course, egocentric cheater Dolan was in the lead on an unofficial count of the votes. The conceited cocksucker managed to fix the voting again! Unreal. The person directly responsible for this madness is Rosemarie Furno, c/o CTV, 100 Cable Way, Ste.2, Staten Island, NY, 10303.

Please feel free to write her with your opinions on this matter. A copy should also be sent to Ed Salek at the same address (he's head of the board). The more voices that are heard can only contribute to justice being served. A message can also be left on the CTV website:

Fucked-two years in a row

industrial TELEVISIONwas the rightful winner last year until dickface Dolan did his stuffing routine with the ballots. We had over 90 genuine ballots sent in. This year, we urged our fans to vote for us (at the mall) and again we came in second. We apologize to all our fans that took the time out to vote for us. If we'd known it was rigged we would have never bothered with the whole debacle.

What can be done?

Regrettably, not much, I'm afraid. The scumbag is on the board of directors. So is Ms. Furno, whom the board appointed "acting" director during Gary Bartels' sick leave. Ed Salek, who heads the board, is Furno's main squeeze. Our only hope lies with the fans. I'm urging everybody to call up and complain every time you see Dr. Dolan on CTV (channels 35 and 57). If enough people call up and voice their opinions, perhaps they will cut down on his airtime. That seems to be the only thing that matters to the lowlife butt-wipe. Let's hit him hard and low. Let's give him a taste of his own medicine.

Staten Island Community Television- (718) 727-1414


These suggestions are for informational and entertainment purposes only. Neither 2droogies productions nor Ed Varuolo shall be held responsible for any infringements resulting from actions taken by the reader

…in other words-YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN!

Suggestions when calling…

The letter that got the awards canceled:

POB 020206

Rosemarie Furno c/o
100 Cable Way Ste.2
Staten Island, NY 10303
March 1, 1999
Dear Ms. Furno:

I am requesting that Victor Dolan and any show produced by Tim Prudome be disqualified for the "CTV Nova Viewer Choice Award."

The main reason that the ballot for this award did not appear in the S.I. advance was so the votes could not be easily manipulated (as they were for the previous three years by Dr. Dolan...) And to try to get a fair representation of the public opinion. Thus, the votes were gathered at the mall at the CTV table during February. Fine. Sounds pretty fair to me.

You can imagine my dismay when the disheartening news came to me that none other than Dr. Dolan himself would be "manning" the CTV table for a few hours. This was an extremely poor choice in light of the fact of his past three-year record with this award. I cannot prove he was steering votes his way. The egomaniac was driven enough to fix the ballots three years in a row. It's a pretty sure bet that "electioneering" from the desirable vantage point of the CTV table would not be beyond his nefarious ethics.

The appointment of Tim P to the table proved to be an even worse decision. Friday the 26th, "Terrible Tim" (acting of his own accord) went down to the mall to help out and drum up votes. He runs into a girl he knows and tells her about the table and voting procedure. She replies: "I already voted." "Whom did you vote for?" asked terrible Tim. "I voted for whom he told me to!" pointing to Tim Prudome. Of course, when confronted on this issue he became indignant and began cursing Terrible Tim out.

This defeats the whole purpose of trying to get an honest sampling from the voters. I personally promoted the award and the voting procedure to our audience through our website, through a video-gram, and on our show. I assumed this was the fair method of doing things. Had I known publicizing my program from the CTV table in the mall was allowed, believe me I would have been right at that table handing out free T-shirts to all who vote for industrial TELEVISION. Unfortunately, I did not cheat.

That's why these two should be exempt from winning this award.





Last Monday, I got to see most of the awards telecast. It reaffirmed my faith as to why industrial TELEVISION will never be entered into this "competition."

Jesus Christ, it's the same lame assholes that win every year! Is it me or does it seem that every bad producer takes home at least 2-3 of these "awards." The whole affair reeks of some sort of neo-elitist, members-only "club" where the prerequisite for admission is zero talent. Year after year I see people like Mike Steel and Marjorie Kadi winning multiple awards. These are the types of moronic "programs" that are deemed "worthy" of some sort of special merit. Pitiful. As long as this remains the standard by which other programs will be judged, there is little hope for creativity and innovation on public access.

As I watched one bad clip after another unreel, I said to myself, "self… change the channel!" Yet, I could not. It was like some strange, morbid fascination that kept me tuned in. It was the same feeling one gets when coming across a car accident or fire. Worse yet, between every clip I'm hearing the i.T. logo theme! The editor, Kenny, paid us some props by including at least a part of industrial TELEVISION in the proceedings. Thanks go out to him. Our influence is far reaching, indeed!

The only good thing about this program was no viewer choice award for Dolan! Ha! Ha! Ha! So there.

You truly do suck. Best of all, well…gee…I guess you're not the "most popular show on Staten Island!" anymore. Are you - you fat, conceited fuck!?!!?

The bulk of the awards show consists of meaningless introductions of the nominees presented with all the aplomb of a brain-addled transient. The hosts look like they want to be there even less than we want to watch. And guess who most of these presenters are? That's right, ladies and gentlemen, the board members of CTV. Mandatory requirements for inclusion in this "elite" group seem to be wealth and a relationship with the borough president, Guy Molinari. I would assume that in addition to political brown-nosing "skills", a board member must also have a high tolerance for viewing the drivel created (or should I say "excreted") by the various public access producers. This is a job I would not wish on a dog.

Unless I missed it, there were no interviews or acceptance speeches as had been the case in previous years. Perhaps this was another redeeming factor in this program, judging from the examples I seen of the winning entries. Just take a look at the rubbish that won in categories like: Music, Debut video, documentary and comedy and you'll see what I mean.

It boils down to the mentally-challenged rewarding the talent-deprived. The whole thing resembles a bloated, self-congratulatory orgy of obsequiousness that honors and endorses the trite and mediocre.

Let's encourage more of that! Good thinking!

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